The truth pt.1

It's time for me to tell you all the truth. Not about me of course because if I tell any of you anything more about me they'll be cops surrounding my house and I'll wake up to someone looking at me through my window. The truth I'm about to talk about is to all kids 5-8 years old. All you parents who are having trouble talking to your kids about Santa, Barney, and their "imaginary friends" then put them to the screen so I can tell them the truth. Okay first Santa kids when your parents told you about Santa it was all a lie (you could even say it was a load of bull). Think about it some guy break'n in your house to leave stuff that is some B.S. (Kids don't say B.S to your mommy's and daddy's unless you've heard them say it to each other then what the heck tell them). Any guy living in the north pole for that long has probably (mommy if your reading I'm sorry) frozen his balls off. Or at least being with all those guy elves all day he is probably gay and not in the happy way, Ms clause knows what I mean. If Santa clause was ever real there is no way short of immortality that he could deliver pesents for 500 years and still be alive, his belly may jiggle like a bowl full of jelly but kids it only jiggles because it's full of crap. So kids I wan't you to go up to your parents right now kick then in the shin and yell "Santa is some real B.S" then run and slam the door. And don't worry I will make another part to The truth where I talk about that jack wad Elmo that drunken gang banger.